Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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