I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
