oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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