I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
