a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
