Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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