i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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