Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
