I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
