I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
