i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
