paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
