Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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