I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
