OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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