so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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