You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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