im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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