i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
