Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
