yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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