If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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