the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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