So drunk its hurt
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
