I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
