I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
