I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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