Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
