so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
