hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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