She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
