whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
