I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
