guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
