i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
