then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
