So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
