it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
