I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
