'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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