My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
