I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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