Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
