Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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