theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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