i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
