quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
