Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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