I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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