i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
