How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My cat gives me a boner
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
