Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
