at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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