I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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