Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
