I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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