I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
