a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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