woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
