The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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