Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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