Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
