I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
