Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
