this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
