first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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