Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
