She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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