You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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