The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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