problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He passed out mid-signature
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
