i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
