i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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