It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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